So I went to see a fertility specialist yesterday to try and get some answers as to why I've had so many miscarriages. Let's just say it wasn't what I wanted to hear but in some ways was exactly what I needed to hear.
We spent a good bit of time talking with her about the possibilities of why I have had 2 healthy children and 5 miscarriages. Each possibility we talked about was incurable. The greatest possibility is that we have something called a "balanced translocation". It has something to do with an abnormality in our chromosomes.
The second possibility that I have talked about before is MTHFR which means there is a defective gene in my body and therefore I have a hard time absorbing folic acid. I have already been on Folgard (a high dose of Folic acid vitamins b6 and b12) and still had 2 miscarriages since. So she wanted to run more tests to pinpoint exactly which it was.
Well after we spoke with the doctor, the insurance lady came in and told me that BCBS would not cover any of the tests she ordered because they claimed it a "pre-existing condition" since I have had this problem for several years. I wanted to burst into tears right then but I knew what we had to do...just leave without the tests. We were not willing to spend over $1000 on tests when no matter what result came back, there was still no cure or anything that we could do any differently.
As Jon and I discussed it lastnight, we both felt like we had the answer that we needed. It is in God's hands and there isn't any medicine any doctor could give me or test that they could run that would change anything at all. Now we just have to make the decision whether we continue to try with the possibility of more miscarriages or leaving it at "we are blessed with our 2 children and we are done".
Please just pray that God will give me a perfect peace about whatever decision we come to. Jon would be fine to be done or keep trying if that's what I want to do. But it affects me a whole lot more emotionally. I never thought we would only have 2 children. I always thought we would have at least 3 or 4. And sometimes I don't understand why He has given me such a great desire for more if we were only meant to have 2. But I do know that God has taught me so much through this trial and He is Sovereign and in that I can rest...
Thursday, August 19, 2010
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7 comments:
So sorry to hear that...we will be praying for His best
Praying for you guys during this difficult time, may you rest in His comfort and peace.
I'm so sorry. We had insurance issues also when we were checking into fertility treatments and tests - I know that frustration! But I also know that God does have perfect timing and does fulfill the desires of our hearts. I will most definitely be praying for y'all!!!
I have no words that will make it hurt any less. Just compassion for you, prayers, and 'virtual' hugs. God has you in the palm of His hand.
my sweet friend...my heart feels the pain you are going through right now and wrestling with such an emotional decision. i love you and am just lifting you up before God asking for his perfect peace and comfort in your lives and most of all complete joy in walking in it. i am praying that out of this God will bless your hearts desires.
Jaci, I know that God will give you wisdom and peace as you continue to trust Him through this. Nothing is impossible for Him. Perhaps He will choose to open your womb or perhaps He is preparing your heart for an adopted child. Who knows what He will bring your way. But you can be confident that He is good and that He will be with you through whatever He allows in your life! Praying for comfort and people in your life who have been there to surround you with understanding in these days!
Thank you so much everyone for the prayers and words of encouragement. I needed it lots:)
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