It has been 1 year today since I found out I was pregnant with Lila. This time last year, I was at the hospital with Jeanna who had just delivered Addison taking a million pictures. It was a day that I had to put my own emotions aside because I was there to be a support for my sister. And obviously I was super excited for her and for the birth of my precious niece. But this day was following several very recent miscarriages for me (one of which I had a D&C on the same floor of which she had her c-section). So I felt a little sad walking through the hallways that day. But again, I chose to not focus on the sadness, because this day was not about me.
Fast forward a few hours. When I got home from the hospital that afternoon, I remember thinking "well I am several weeks late, so maybe I should take a pregnancy test and just see what's going on". I always had my fair stash of them in my bathroom cabinet. So I proceeded to take 3 tests, all of them being positive.
Now I did not have your normal reaction to a positive pregnancy test. Every time I saw a + I immediately started worrying and thinking "I wonder how long it will be until I start bleeding and lose yet another baby". So I waivered back and forth about whether to tell Jon that night, or to wait a few days.
Well as soon as the girls went to bed, Jon and I were in our room talking and I started crying as I was telling him about my day at the hospital and the ups and downs of my emotions. He of course was sympathetic and just listened. Then I blurted out "and I'm pregnant". He said "You are? Well that's great". To which I explained to him that I always had this horrible feeling of apprehension whenever I found out that I was. He proceeded to say that we would wait and see what happens and that God is Sovereign in ALL things...And he suggested that I call Dr. A the next day to make an appt to get an early ultrasound.
So I made the appointment. And as I feared, he could find nothing on the ultrasound but did get a positive pregnancy test as well. He told me it was probably just too early to see anything yet. So he ran my levels and said to wait a week and then come back for another ultrasound. That time all we could see was the sack, but no baby. That had also happened with another one of my other pregnancies which ended in a miscarriage, so I was freaking out. That had to have been the longest week of my life. I always hated those first few appointments and the unknown was so hard for me. It wasn't until my 3rd ultrasound, which happened to fall on Valentine's Day that we saw a good strong heartbeat and I knew all was well. Such a happy day for us!
I was looking back and realized I had never shared the full story on how I found out that I was pregnant, so I thought today would be the perfect day to do that.
So today we celebrate 2 lives in our family...Addison Kate and Lila Mackenzie.
Can't wait to watch them grow up together. They are going to be such sweet friends one day.
I still think it is awesome how God allowed me to find out about my pregnancy on a day He knew might be tough for me. And now I will always remember January 25th as being the day I found out about Lila!
P.S. Happy Birthday Addie Kate! We love you!
